Funny rules for dating my son
Funny rules for dating my son - eric schneiderman dating
__Yes __No (IF YOU ANSWERED ' YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. Do you have a nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?
He was raised that family comes first and until there is a ring on his finger, I am his family, not you. He does not have Hasbro, Mattel or any other toy company tattooed on his person.Hence, he is not an object for you to play with, manipulate, and discard at your leisure.I suffered through 42 hours of labor to have him, and will unleash an unimaginable amount of anger such that the movie 300 will look like an episode of the Little House on the Prairie should you cross me.I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROC UTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.APPLICATION TO DATE MY SON NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: ______________________________________________________________E. __________________________ ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________F. When I meet a boy, the thing I always notice about him first is: ______________________________________________________________G. ______________________ RULES: Initial each Rule after reading. Rule Four: Do not be hurt when my son chooses sports or gaming over time with you. Do not expect expensive gifts, he has been taught to be a savvy shopper.NAME_______________________________________ ALIASES ______________DATE OF BIRTH_____________ HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________IQ__________ GPA______________ SOCIAL SECURITY#________________DRIVERS LICENSE #________________ IQ _________ BLOOD TYPE _____GIRL SCOUT RANK AND BADGES________________________________________HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______Do you have parents? Rule One: If you talk with foul words and dress like a tramp in shirts that are too small and pants low with thong showing, I will treat you like one. Rule Three: You must know how to cook as well as I have taught my son(s) to cook. Rule Six: Don't sleep with my son; the only rubber he should be concerned about is out in the driveway and has Goodyear stamped on it. I may appear to be a pudgy, baggy-eyed, last-season, has-been.
___Yes ___No#of years they have been married ______If less than your age, explain why ______________________________________If not explain why ___________________________________________________ ACCESSORIES SECTION: A. You are only allowed to wear granny panties super glued to your hind quarters. He has a kind heart and I will not have you make my son cry; if he does, I will make you cry. But on issues relating to my son, I am the queen of his universe. Rule Eight: My son has been raised not to hit a lady, so act like one and I will not have to hit you for him.
A woman's place is in the: ______________________________________D. Rule Five: Do not date my son for his money because I am his bank.
If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: ______________________________________________________________C.
______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ REFERENCES SECTION: Church you attend _______________________________________________How often you attend ____________________________________________When would be the best time to interview your:father? Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: ______________________________________________________________B.
______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________In 50 words or less, what does ' ABSTINENCE' mean to you? __________ SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: Answer by filling in the blank.
I HIGHLY SUGGEST RUNNING AS I AM A DAMNED GOOD SHOT.) ESSAY SECTION: In 50 words or less, what does ' LATE' mean to you ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________In 50 words or less, what does ' DON' T TOUCH MY SON' mean to you?