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24-Jan-2015 10:59 by 9 Comments

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If you decide to access linked third-party web sites, you do so at your own risk. Taylor Swift is a transubstantiated vision board curation of inspirational quotes who happens to be perhaps the world’s most famous White woman. But I have no interest whatsoever in learning more about it. I know she is a very popular and important singer of songs and writer of songs. The “made that bitch famous” part is a reference to Kanye’s infamous interruption of Swift’s Best Female Video acceptance speech at the 2009 VMAs. And then she’ll laugh, baring both of her tiny-ass teeth like it’s the funniest thing ever. (“and there’s literally no “reason” that would make any sense. “As the first woman to win album of the year at the Grammys twice, I want to say to all the young women out there: There are going to be people along the way who will try to undercut your success or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame”No one is better at this type of specifically White female performative faux melodrama — where status is cultivated and maintained through a state of perpetual exaggerated victimhood (which everyone laps up because “sad White woman” = “Let’s find our fucking capes and save her! You know that co-worker (let’s call her “Susan”) who somehow managed to use her offense at a minor breach in email etiquette (someone forgot to put an exclamation point on a sentence, which made Susan “interpret” it as a “threat”) as fuel for a raise and a promotion? Of course, Taylor vehemently denied that this conversation ever happened. Conversations, weddings, grocery shopping, sex, shits — everything. In fact, not only do I not believe her, I believe she’s exposed herself as one of the most dangerous types of White woman. Using the inherent empathy and benefit of the doubt her White womanhood allows her to possess — plus the reflexive need to protect and preserve the sanctity of said White womanhood at all costs — to throw a Black person under the bus if necessary and convenient. I am not unaware of its function and cultural relevance. These feelings kinda, sorta mirror my thoughts about Taylor Swift. But now, five months later, the only song on it that still matters is a song (“Panda”) that wasn’t even his song. Anyway, on that album was a song (“Famous”) that began with the following lines: Taylor, of course, is Taylor Swift. Every once in a while, my seven-month-old daughter will spit in my face when I’m holding her. Never one to pass up an opportunity to make herself a martyr, Swift alluded to Kanye and “Famous” during her Album of the Year acceptance speech at this year’s Grammys. She’s more than willing to throw a friend under the bus for the opportunity to performative martyr. One advantage I presume of being romantically involved with a Kardashian is that everything seems to be recorded. But what Taylor did is a form of what Darth Susans have been doing since America’s inception. I recognize that Snapchat is a thing that is a very popular thing. Earlier this year, Kanye West released an album that everyone cared about for like five weeks. Perhaps there might be some legal involvement because of California privacy laws, but ultimately this involves three unfathomably rich and famous and annoying people who will continue to be unfathomably rich and famous and annoying. She’ll produce an album about this, win a bunch of awards, and have her Grammy acceptance speech interrupted by North West throwing a sippy cup at her. But if you put a gun to my head and asked me to name five Taylor Swift songs, I’d be confused that your choice to shoot me was based on such arbitrarily specific criteria. She’s rich and famous so she dates rich and famous men. This is how I feel about attempting to determine Kanye’s motives for doing things. Kanye, however, would later tweet that he actually reached out to Taylor about the lyric before incorporating it in his song. Or, rather, friendly enough to have this conversation. And, of course, most of the country seemed to believe Taylor. Which means you’ll never have to go without receipts. Like, imagine the longest TSA line you’ve ever seen. And then I’d wonder how you even got into my house. And that she thought it was funny and was cool with it. “Kardashian” is actually Swahili for “White woman with receipts.” And since Kim has all the receipts, she released footage of Taylor Swift doing exactly what Kanye said she did. With a statement — a statement that suspiciously seems prewritten — where she expressed that she never said she didn’t talk to him (a lie) and never agreed to Kanye’s use of “bitch.” Do you believe her?

And how my bitch-ass pit bull allowed you to come upstairs without even barking. Because aside from some song that I think is called “Shake It Off” or something, I couldn’t name any. Agreeing to the lyrics and expressing her appreciation that Kanye reached out first before publishing them. I could however name people she’s been romantically linked to. Before that she was with the producer dude who I always assumed was Black because he has a Black-sounding name. And apparently he chose that name specifically because its Black sounding! He lives in Pittsburgh, and he really likes pancakes. Plus early heads up about new tees, new contributors, and our events. Weekly updates about all the pop culture, race & politics, Bougie Black People™ shit, and other grand tomfoolery we cover here on VSB. Not even a Wes Anderson joint, but something you might see as part of a museum exhibit before you head to the dinosaur section.